Am i meant to be alone ?

It's a hard question, full of insecurities and wishes that probably will never come true.
I like to pretend that i'll be fine all by myself, and i can convince myself and the others of that, but sometimes it's not enough, and i end up being afraid that that's my real future, because i'm not good enough to make someone happy.
The truth is that i don't want to be alone, not now, not in the future.
It's so hard to see how i push people away, and that i do nothing to change it because i'm looking for a platonic love, romantic, out of the human being horizonts, only possible in thoughts i guess.
Or maybe this is something even more deep in my soul that i can't even admit to myself.
Why can't i realise any of my dreams ?